I always fear the implication that by setting fitness and dietary goals for myself I am somehow passing judgment on people who may not have set the same goals. I worry that when I state that I want to lose weight, people will misread it as me saying that because they weigh more than me or have a different body type I must think they are "fat" or worth less as a person. That couldn't be farther from the truth-- my thoughts are about the standards I set for myself and have nothing to do with the way I feel about other people.
The long and short of it is that I love other people just the way they are— but I’m pretty hard on myself. I judge myself. I don't judge others... that's just not my place to do.
I remember when I used to set goals for myself that were way out of reach. I wanted to be “perfect” and trying to get there just made me angry. (Partially because I never set a concrete goal or, much less defined what “perfect” was.) Somewhere along the way, thank god, I learned to like myself and stopped being completely unreasonable. Now it’s all about comfort, lifestyle, and ultimately health.
So, thanks again, for letting me be touchy-feely. I was really worried the assholes were going to come out en force for that last post. I certainly won’t make this a “weight loss blog” but I will post some updates over the next few months. Er, that is, if I can even find a scale that works. The sliding-weight scale in the gym locker room suspiciously tells me I’m more than 150 lbs if the bar is on 100 and less than 150 lbs if the bar is on 150. My best estimate is 67 kilos on that busted thing, which is about 148 lbs. My goal is 135, give or take, with the aesthetic goal of less one stomach-roll sitting down and the concrete goal of fitting in my old jeans.
OK! LET’S EVERYONE WORKING OUT! YOSH!
Posted on May 31, 2007 @ 4:06 PM | 7 comments
Comments:
I think that's a really easy place to go because it seems like a lot of people buy into it. I know that I, as someone who has gained a hell of a lot more then ten pounds in the past 5 years, still get that feeling. It's a little hard not to think 'wow, she's so skinny, if she wants to lose weight, what does she think about me?' I know this is an irrational thought, but I certainly do have to work at remembering that.
I think that a lot of people might actually believe you're passing judgment, but I honestly think that's about their issues. I've noticed that about a lot of personal goal type things. Like, when I went back to school and started obsessing about my grades, a lot of people seemed kind of offended - like I was passing judgment on them. That was sooooooooo not the case.
But it's easy to go there, especially if it's something you're insecure about.
By 
Loreleilee, at
5:19 PM, May 31, 2007
I definitely worry about people thinking that. The truth is, it's easy for me to have a "come as you are" relationship with the world, but much harder for me to establish that relationship with myself.
The grades thing is another good example. Thanks for understanding! :)
By Kat, at
5:37 PM, May 31, 2007
I worry the same thing, that when I tell a friend who weighs more or is a different body type than me that i want to lose some weight, they figure I must think they're a WHALE or something. Which I dont' even think about!! I'm too obsessed with my own silly weight loss goals to worry about someone else's weight, (unless their weight causes me concern over their health).
You and I have the same starting weight. My ending goal is 140 though. I haven't been 135 in years and didn't have as much muscle then.
Being as tall as you are, do you ever obsess that you'll become some kind of big lumbering moose? I guess that's how I picture myself becoming... towering over other women (and some men), staggaring in to rooms with blubber jiggling, people secretly praying I won't accidentally sit on them... It's a pretty silly nightmare, but it's always been my private fear. My short friends tell me I'm lucky to be tall so that the weight doesn't show as easily. But I always think "at least short, chunky women still look feminine, if i gained weight i'd look like a buffalo."
By 
lazylightning, at
7:33 PM, May 31, 2007
Hahaha, it's so interesting to hear you tall women talk about yourselves. I know that over the years, I've felt like people take me less seriously because I'm so short, I've felt like they think I'm way younger then I am, *I've* felt younger then I really am.
But I honestly love being short. I'm not sure I would trade it, given the chance.
By Loreleilee, at
6:16 AM, June 01, 2007
Ack ack ack. I hate whatever sources have influenced us women to a.) over-obsess about our bodies and b.) compare ourselves constantly to different people. It drives me crazaaay!
I remember a time of a few months during early marathon training last year when I felt good about myself. I finally thought I grew out of the comparative stage, but no, it has returned. Bummer.
We all (myself included) have to accept the fact that "the grass could always be greener" and instead accept the hotness that we gots! I could curse my out-of-proportion giant chest and my short height and say "poor me, I do and I will weigh the same as my tall friends and never look as thin as they do". Or I could knock it the hell off with the comparing and just be happy with myself.
Why is that so hard for us to do? I'm so fed up with comparisons, I could scream.
By Rachel, at
8:19 AM, June 01, 2007
P.S. Lols, "More Oprah!"
P.P.S. I didn't eat extraneous sugar or any beer with dinner last night. :( At the end of the day, when I usually get despairingly tired, I felt better not having consumed in excess. There are positive health benefits in eating well, not just deprivation.
By Rachel, at
8:24 AM, June 01, 2007
i remember seeing a snippet of, what a coincidence, oprah!, several months ago and some diet guru lady was talking about food deprivation and said something like "don't deprive yourself. if you get hit by a semi on the way home you don't want your final thought to be 'i should have had taht damn donut.' " =-) your snack comment / revision made me think of this. for me, it seems much easier to cut out sweets / treats 95% of the time or whatever and then know i can indulge deliciously 5% of the time than to try to go all or nothing, because then i cheat.
By , at
5:31 PM, June 02, 2007
