I was up early today for a final interview and then went to the Doc's for my IUD. The good news is that both went well. I've been offered a really *awesome* job and now I have some *really* awesome birth control. It's a lot to look forward to!
The IUD insertion was pretty much par for the course. A lot of sitting around and waiting after we got to the medical center, then transfer from the regular exam room to the most "serious" exam room I've ever been in. (My guess is that they use these for minor surgeries and it's how they get away with tacking a hospital charge onto the IUD insertion. Meh.)
Anyway, I'm not going to spare you the gory details, so if you're weak of the stomach or don't want to read about lady parts, please skip the following...
( Continue... )
An IUD insertion starts like a pap exam. You strip from the waist down and sit on an exam table with feet in stirrups, butt cheeks flapping in the breeze. Doctor inserts speculum, blah blah blah. This speculum was metal, which I think I haven't seen before (I'm used to plastic, I think) and quite cold.
They swab you inside and out with iodine, which quite unnervingly looks like blood and gets *everywhere.* It's gross. But it get grosser. Then, to immobilize your cervix they clamp it with a device that looks like curved fishhook fangs. And those little pointy ends grab on, drawing blood, and don't let go. Yeah, ow. I'm not really sure why they need to immobilize the cervix, but my guess is that it makes it hurt LESS than if it moves around.
Next, the sound, which is a metal rod resembling a medieval torture device is inserted into the uterus to test depth and tilt. Basically, the entire point of sounding you is to see if you can TAKE IT LIKE A CHAMP. If you can't... if your cervix is too narrow, your uterus too tilted, or you just don't like the feeling of a goddamn stick stirring your insides... GAME OVER. If you're lucky, your provider won't have opened your IUD and you can forgo the charge for it.
Getting sounded sucks. It feels like what it is... a metal rod being shoved into a place where it's NOT SUPPOSED TO GO. But it's, eh, manageable. Compared to, say, failing internal organs or CHILDBIRTH. And you only have to go through it once more, champ! With a thicker rod that has your IUD on the end! Oh, and a plastic plunger so the IUD can TWANG open into a "T" inside you! And sort of shift around! And feel really gross!
Yeah, that rocked my world. Internal pain is way, way worse than the pain of the piercings I've had. Nevertheless, it was... bearable. On a scale of 1-10 I'd give it a 6...ish. But my main problem with the pain was that it just felt so WRONG. It wasn't like hair pulling or other pain that can be rationalized... my brain just couldn't wrap around the feeling of *badness* inside me. It was really quite upsetting and confusing. My body didn't know whether I wanted to throw up, eat something, or take a big dump. In fact, I wanted to do none of the above.
I had some minor cramps for five minutes after the procedure. Then the big ones began. On the way up the stairs to the apartment, the IUD shifted inside me and started spasms that put me on the couch for an hour. And for several after that. I've been feeling OK for a while, but I think writing about it is making my uterus upset again, so I'd better quit. Time for bedrest, advil, and hot pads. Good thing I don't have to work tomorrow!
So, yeah, the procedure was icky and it does *not* feel good. But I was ready for that and I still think I made a really good choice for my reproductive health. :) Here's hoping I see no side effects!
Edit: I forgot to put in the part about how Justin was there the whole time braiding my hair to keep me relaxed. He held my hand while my eyes were wide and my palms were sweating. He took me home afterward and got me everything I needed, then fixed me Puttanesca for dinner even though he doesn't like it that much. I love my sweetheart. :)
Posted on October 09, 2006 @ 11:08 PM | 8 comments
Comments:
You are making MY uterus hurt just talking about this. GAAAH no hooks in my cervix PLEASE kthx.
By 
Lazy Lightning, at
7:00 AM, October 10, 2006
ick, me too...i think i need to go home from work now and have some bedrest! ok...i'm just trying to use it as an excuse to go back to bed... You are very brave...I don't think I could do it...maybe before I read anything about the procedure...but not now. Hoping things just get better from here for you!
By 
, at
7:07 AM, October 10, 2006
Wow, I think it was a little too early in the day to read something so gory, but thanks for sharing. You made MY uterus hurt as well... and I don't even have one!
By Calvin, at
10:43 AM, October 10, 2006
Aww good going Justin!
By Lazy Lightning, at
12:35 PM, October 10, 2006
Just curious why you felt the need to do this as opposed to less painful forms of birth control. Why not stick with popping the pill?
By , at
4:46 PM, October 10, 2006
Hi Allie, few reasons:
1) It's much more cost-effective. Prescription copay on birth control is $10 per month, which is $120 per year. I expect to pay $250 at most for the paragard and it lasts 10 years.
2) I want to lead a hormone-free existence. I've been on the pill for 7 years with mixed experiences and very little side effects for the current pill, but I'd like to know my body naturally and prevent long-term damage from hormone supplements.
3) It's a long-term, no-thought birth control solution. Ten years, doing nothing! And you can get it taken out at any time with complete fertility restored. Woo. :)
By Kat, at
4:54 PM, October 10, 2006
ouch !! remind me not to come back to the next life (or any) as a woman if I decide this is the way to go. great entry, don't think i could've written it. but you and words are a natural. WOW. your reasons are rock solid. congrats.
By , at
6:42 PM, October 10, 2006
eeek! what kind of lasting effects from BC pills? i was on the pill once 4 years ago for a about 8 months, on the patch about 2 years ago for, uh, maybe 2 months ... now i've been on the pill for 7 months, and this time it's awesome! nooooo side effects, period is as normal is it would be if i weren't on it ... does this mean it's mimicing my "real" cycle more closely? less harmful? eek. i should just go do research but i never know what to believe. thoughts?
By , at
7:28 PM, October 14, 2006
