I am considering continuing sessions nevertheless, because at a $80 per visit continual rate, two times a month for a few months might be well worth it. Justin has volunteered to assist with the cost, even though I make more than him now, because he knows that even though I can "technically" afford it, I'm too proud to justify the cost. I suppose, however, that it's more worth it to spend the money on the counseling than on material goods or even on savings & loans if I can't be happy enough to enjoy the alternative.
Doctor Ross seemed more than willing to meet my goals for therapy: to have a counselor to validate the difficulties I experience and help me formulate coping mechanisms to deal with them. I was very specific that while I expected her to spend time analyzing the reasons for my anxiety, I didn't want to nitpick because I'm already quite self-aware. I want to focus on productive solutions rather than finding some kind of psychoanalytic "breakthrough"-- I've had too many of those to count.
I also decided not to fill the Rx for Paxil. After thinking about the reasons for my aversions to that drug and reading about others' experiences with side effects and withdrawls, I was seriously turned off. And frankly, I don't want to *doubt* the medications that is supposed to help my mental health. I talked with Dr. Ross and my medical doctor about Lexapro, which my sister is taking. But later I learned that Regence considers it a tier-3 drug, which means they don't cover it at a traditional co-pay but rather at 50% of some stupidly-high cost. There are no generic equivalents, but I was able to get a scrip for Celexa, which is of a similar family, though perhaps more minor in effect.
I am NOT, I repeat NOT taking these drugs to "get better." I want nothing LESS than to be on a medication for the rest of my life. I need something to help me overcome the sensation of anxiety, which ranges from distracting to crippling, that I feel daily. I need something to slow my mind and help me focus on one thing at once. I need a little boost so I can start coping and have the energy to make positive changes. I feel like a failure for resorting to it-- because God knows I'd have liked to have fixed me by myself, but I think it might just work.
Posted on March 13, 2006 @ 9:22 PM | 3 comments
Comments:
Sounds like you are being very proactive with all of these choices. Hope both the meds and the doc work out for you.
I'll talk to you soon about my doc visit too.
Love you,
Allie
By 
, at
1:48 AM, March 14, 2006
Good for you, KK. I agree that some discussions with a therapist are well worth the money. And do remember that while you are without a doubt very much self-aware, keep an open mind to the perspectives that this person might observe about you. I'm really glad to hear that it went well.
By Rachel, at
10:43 AM, March 14, 2006
I'm sure I've never told you this, but I have moderate-severe anxiety as well. It's never been overly crippling to me because it's hard for me to imagine life without it. I think in my case it was entirely a learned behavour, as well as a response to some traumatic events that happened earlier in my life.
Almost two years ago my quack obgyn put me on effexor for reasons unrelated to my anxiety. While it didn't help the problems, I was utterly amazed at what it did to my anxiety. It almost totally went away.
The only downside was that effexor is a nasty drug with nasty side affects. I never so much as considered taking it long term, and I actually just quit it cold turkey day when the nausea became overwhelming.
Scary thing is, my anxiety never fully returned. While this is great, I hate to think that my brain and body have been forever altered by this drug. It's freaking scary.
By 
Loreleilee, at
8:13 PM, March 14, 2006
