On our trip to Pittsburgh, we were operating on less than five hours sleep. Then, we almost missed a connection and didn't make it home. After being shuffled like cattle from flight to flight and sitting long hours in cabins too dry to sleep, we felt pretty miserable. These are a few travel moments that made the trip at least ironically amusing.
**At the gate of our morning flight to the East Coast, I pulled a strange black object out of my carry-on. It took me a moment to realize that I had just gone through security with a picnic wine-opener. Yes, folks, a metal corkscrew. I can add to the other times I've broken the law... two instances where I unknowingly made it through security with a portable Leatherman (think swiss army knife)... and the one time I was held up as a bomb threat for twenty minutes when a light-up pen made them empty my entire luggage looking for its suspicious mechanism.
**Immediately after boarding a plane, several infants began to cry. Justin, looking for a bit of sleep-deprived humor, whispered sinisterly that "the children cry because they fear the 'Old Gods' will reach up from the depths as we fly over the sea to devour their tender bodies." I gently reminded him that we would be crossing the Midwest and I was fairly certain that Cthulu would not plunge a tentacle out of the waving fields of the American Heartland. If there's any place that so-called "Old Gods" avoid, it's the Midwest.
**Minutes later, Justin picked up SkyMall Magazine. On the cover was a small, African American child gleefully eyeing a tall, black air filter (picture the obelisk from 2001 Space Odyssey) wearing a santa hat. "Man," said Justin, "The black Santa is creepy."
**We were on the same flight for five hours and we crossed three time zones. They didn't feed us a single meal... not ONE... nor anything resembling real food. They gave us two meager "snacks," which consisted of a beverage and some form of 100-calorie crackers. The flight attendants made one critical mistake, however... they parked the snack cart near us and walked away. Sensing the potential onslaught of my hypoglycemic rage, Justin reached into the cart and stealthily plucked out an extra packet of cheez-its. He smiled smugly, and over the next minute we filled my carry-on with Oreos, cheese-crackers, and granola bars. We had enouhg hotel room munchies for the whole week.
**On the return leg, we were delayed flying from Pittsburgh to Atlanta. The reason they gave us was "weather," which, best I can figure it, was how they wanted to financially wash their hands of stranding us in f**cking Georgia. The only "weather" was clouds in the sky. OH NO!!! THE PEACHES MIGHT BE RUINED!! F*cking Georgians. [Sorry, Amy.] We were told we'd be delayed one hour. We thought we might make it because we had an hour and a half layover. Then they held the plane on the tarmack for twenty minutes so a passenger who missed HER connecting flight could have THIS one... thus causing countless passengers on THIS flight to miss theirs. B-E-A-utiful. We pulled into Atlanta at the *exact* time our flight was scheduled to take off. On the upside, the status board told us we still had fifteen minutes to board. On the down side, it also said the gate was closed. WHICH WAS IT??? We asked two separate agents at two separate gates to call the gate of our flight and make sure it was REALLY closed. They said "without a doubt"... and refused to call. With other Seattle passengers, we got in line to rebook (no doubt, not to be compensated). Only when we cleared the line and rehashed what the agents told us, did someone actually call the gate. Guess what? Still boarding!! We RAN, and boarded, which is just as well... because another passenger who'd tried to rebook was told the earliest he could leave was 3PM... the next day.
**After our experience with food on the way to Pittsburgh, we decided to bring our own meal on the way back. And we didn't bring just anything... we packed a feast of leftovers. Three slices of Mineos, the best pizza in Pittsburgh. Veal and garlic mashed potatoes from a fine Italian restaurant. Three varieties of Chinese chicken with white rice. And for dessert? The single pack of Oreos they gave us, washed down with a complimentary glass of milk.
Posted on December 07, 2005 @ 10:48 PM | 3 comments
Comments:
LAUGHING like crazy about the black santa and the stealing of the airline food!
Good experience: One time on a latenight Portland to Eugene flight, the steward gave the whole cabin free wine 'because they had to use it up'. I got off the plane red-faced and tipsy just in time to be picked up by Ryan's aunt.
By 
Lazy Lightning, at
5:18 PM, December 08, 2005
I flew to Montana once on New Year's Eve... not only did they serve free champagne to the nearly empty cabin, but one of the cabin attendants turned out to be the driver who chauffered J & I to and from my Prom (two years before that flight). It was a regular party!
By Kat, at
6:41 PM, December 08, 2005
sounds like quite a trip!!
By 
, at
3:55 PM, December 10, 2005
