I remember when I was amazed by life, learning, and love. All that good bohemian stuff. I remember when "growing up" was the ultimate goodness, the power of change at my fingertips. All I wanted was to enter "Real World" and give it my best shot. Brains, brawn, and beauty. I figured that would be good enough to sustain the feeling.
What a laugh. An intellectual idealist becomes an intellectual cynic. How typical.
Even though I have everything I could ask for, I never feel amazed.
I wish I could go back.
Posted on December 15, 2005 @ 11:52 AM | 6 comments
Comments:
merf -.-
By 
, at
1:46 AM, December 16, 2005
Don't you wish that you could just go back in time and enjoy the moment where you felt the most at ease... I'm not sure about you or others, but even though it seems that some of us feel that we have just about everything we could ask for, there's always that something that constantly has us thinking and wondering about what the following day will bring and hope at the end of the day everything will be alright.
By , at
6:28 PM, December 16, 2005
There is a friend of mine (who shall remain anonymous) continually dreaming of returning to the simplicity of a farm that he grew up on. His memories of this place are idyllic, and sometimes lacking of the very real tensions and emotions that caused his family to splinter at a later time. He equally fluctuates back and forth, much like a pendulum, with memories of being some sort of popular drug-addled person in high school, and when he is most down and out, he longs to return to that phase in his life.
I do not know which memory saddens me more; the idyllic farm that he can never return to, or the feeling he had of fitting into a group of people that never cared enough to stay in touch with him.
I do appreciate, however, the feeling that things will never quite be the same in the now. And to think, I'm not quite started with 'adult' life myself in some respects. "Baby steps", I chide myself.
I will say this, as far as wisdom goes, while allowing wholeheartedly for the possibility that I'm wrong. I believe it is possible to rediscover amazement, but only when we frame it in context of the present. All too often, at least in my own life, I have chased shades that were not as bright as I recalled, or never as clearly in focus. But for me, now, there is much amazement in all that I see, under a new light.
You can't go back, but it finds you again, transformed.
Apologies if I meandered too long.
Take care, Kat.
Charles
By 
Cad, at
3:14 AM, December 17, 2005
just wait till you have kids. hey are you getting a diamond for xmas or what?!?!
By , at
7:33 PM, December 19, 2005
Yea, that's why I have big plans NOT to have kids for at least another eight years. And a diamond? Hmm... that's up to him!
By Kat, at
8:50 PM, December 19, 2005
justin if you read this blog: get off yer ass, boy!
By , at
11:19 PM, December 19, 2005
